Justice

I want you... to know what I did
One one hand, I do, under the other it’s hid 

I want you to know, it was pre-meditated
Devious, subversive, lustfully anticipated 

To know how depraved my thought process was
To know that I and no other had ‘cause 

I want you to know that I’ll do it again,
to prove that I can
Again,
and again

Does it bother you yet? My show and tell
Stick close, while we traverse, my heart, mind and hell

Look at how closely the border each other
How close was Cain to Abel his brother?

Which is why I want you to know what I did
Because if you don’t, then heaven forbid 

I will repeat my worst inclinations
I will manifest my dark, long lost temptations

They’re close- I can smell them and hear
As my conscience, is silenced, censored and seared

If you know anything less than what’s true
You’re no good to me, and I’m no good to you

I want you to know because I want to be free
I want you to know, and to know you must see
How repulsively evil I truly can be 

‘Cause with every last card face up on the table
I’ll know if it’s true, if I really am able 

To be forgiven pardoned, ransomed and sealed
I long to be known because I long to be healed

I long for Justice, to be judged and condemned
Bound, with a millstone in a bag that’s been hemmed

I know, more than any other can see
I’m guilty, who I am, have been and will be

I ask to be known, but that’s not my endgame
I ask to be known, because I’m ashamed

Insecure, restlessly proud and obtuse
Afraid, angry, hurting, accused

I ask to be known because … I have hope
I guess, despite all my sin and it’s scope

That, if, maybe someone, could know,
Exactly, how dirty, and deep this hole goes

When the wages of sin are placed in my account
An infinite, despicably greedy amount,

Then I’ll know what it means when He locks eyes with me
And says child, your debt has been paid,

Go.

You’re free.

...

And I’ll never be free while these things remain hid,
So, I want you to know, what I did.

-March 2018